Our Church Closed Last Week
Not something that most people have ever experienced. It's certainly not something that people who love their church and see in their church a potential to see many come to Jesus through it have experienced.
And it has been way more difficult than I anticipated.
Our church was 2.5 years old. Opening Sunday was our first Sunday living in Raleigh. We were heavily involved. All of our meaningful relationships in Raleigh came from our church - the same is true of our kids. While many of those relationships will continue it is not the same when you are not seeing each other twice a week every week. The church also supported our ministry financially, yet another void that will have to filled somehow. We are sad, angry, depressed, bitter, and that bitterness has us jaded and not looking forward to the next steps.
We went to another church last week - hated it. It was a good church. They didn't do anything wrong. We just hated it. We will go to another church this week. We will hate that one too. It's not their fault. As were have been planning which churches we are going to visit their websites make me mad, the pictures of their staff and their cute kids make me angry, their lame podcasts are lame, the new church jargon of relevant, inspiring, life-changing, whatever cute name they have for their kids ministry and their youth ministry, the pictures of their stupid little band which may or may not be good - it all makes me bitter and causes me to question the entire strategy of the church in America. And the thing is - I love the church. I have been to dozens of churches in different circumstances, and I have loved them.
This whole situation has caused me to step back and think about what the church is and what it should look like. We went to church on Sunday and listened to 4 songs played passionately by a band and sung passionately by some in the crowd and passively by others. We heard a 30 minute message that was good and talked about the Bible and Jesus. Some of those people probably meet in small groups throughout the week and talk more about Jesus and probably their jobs, their kids, and stuff. Our kids were safe. The coffee was average. Then we are ushered out so that the 10:30 crowd could do the same, and then the 3rd service again. And we have to assume disciples are being made? And Jesus is being exalted?
Is this it? Are we doing this right?
...
And it has been way more difficult than I anticipated.
Our church was 2.5 years old. Opening Sunday was our first Sunday living in Raleigh. We were heavily involved. All of our meaningful relationships in Raleigh came from our church - the same is true of our kids. While many of those relationships will continue it is not the same when you are not seeing each other twice a week every week. The church also supported our ministry financially, yet another void that will have to filled somehow. We are sad, angry, depressed, bitter, and that bitterness has us jaded and not looking forward to the next steps.
We went to another church last week - hated it. It was a good church. They didn't do anything wrong. We just hated it. We will go to another church this week. We will hate that one too. It's not their fault. As were have been planning which churches we are going to visit their websites make me mad, the pictures of their staff and their cute kids make me angry, their lame podcasts are lame, the new church jargon of relevant, inspiring, life-changing, whatever cute name they have for their kids ministry and their youth ministry, the pictures of their stupid little band which may or may not be good - it all makes me bitter and causes me to question the entire strategy of the church in America. And the thing is - I love the church. I have been to dozens of churches in different circumstances, and I have loved them.
This whole situation has caused me to step back and think about what the church is and what it should look like. We went to church on Sunday and listened to 4 songs played passionately by a band and sung passionately by some in the crowd and passively by others. We heard a 30 minute message that was good and talked about the Bible and Jesus. Some of those people probably meet in small groups throughout the week and talk more about Jesus and probably their jobs, their kids, and stuff. Our kids were safe. The coffee was average. Then we are ushered out so that the 10:30 crowd could do the same, and then the 3rd service again. And we have to assume disciples are being made? And Jesus is being exalted?
Is this it? Are we doing this right?
...
Jared,
ReplyDeleteGood post. It encapsulates all that we have been feeling. From the feelings we experienced at other churches to the struggle with those questions about the church. We are right there with you.
Happened to me more than a few times, so I can grasp some of what you are feeling. It's made me question what the church is and is to be and made me grow closer to the Lord, because it has shown me over and over that the "Church" isn't supposed to be a place where we go to get all warm and fuzzy with God for ourselves. When I go I serve every month and I go to small group and my kids go to the "Happy" and "Safe" organized kids program (which has helped my older daughter to grow tremendously in her relationship with God), but I see a Christian version of the Matrix with people putting on their happy Sunday faces and wearing their "Come as you are" attire. A mix of blue-collar, white-collar, suits, weekend sports uniforms, pseudo-hipster,punk, folk, hip-hop, spoken-word, raggae, modern-classic rock, metro-feminist macho, christianese speaking people that are lost. I've been through heart-wrenching and physically damaging emotional and family trials that have stripped me of my pride and when I meet in my small group, or with the praise-team band and I tell them how I'm doing and what I'm struggling with or what God is doing in my life, I lay it out there. Initially I did it because I needed the support of other strong brothers and sisters in Christ, but now I do it to share with others so that maybe someone else will feel more comfortable knowing that others have real problems that you can't and don't need to dance around or candy coat with Christian jargon( I also like to do it to see people's reactions and expressions too though, I'm a little twisted that way). So I still go to the "American" version of modern church, and it is hard to slight it or become jaded, especially having been to some other countries where one sees how most of the world truly lives, but I still also see the Holy Spirit working here and hearts becoming broken for Jesus and I know that He wants me to show Himself to those in my community. I live in one of the most depressed cities with the highest rates of alcoholism in the USA and so I also see the light of hope that our church brings to many in this area. Much love and many prayers going to you brother since day 1 of your ministry and still going up.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honesty in sharing your real feelings. What comes to my mind is the idea of sheep ... just going along following a shepherd who learned to be a shepherd by following some other shepherd. That hunger in your heart is in the hearts of others. What is it you are looking for? Are there others? Why did your church close and where are those who were there with you?
ReplyDelete