Single Dad

One simple fundamental difference in culture between USA and China is this:  because of the divorce rate in America we have an entire generation growing up without their fathers at home, and because of the one child policy in China they have an entire generation (starting into the 2nd generation) growing up without brothers and sisters.  Both are alarming.  Because of the one child policy, and because of the family in China is more extended than in the States, this country now has 4 parents per child, whereas in the United States we often have one parent for 2-4 kids.  The Chinese mentality has shifted over the last almost 30 years to the point that most Chinese parents could not imagine raising more than one child.  When they see us in China with 2 kids they always ask us one of two questions:  1)  Does your government allow you to have 2 kids? (to which we respond, "we can have 12 if we want") 2)  How do you have enough time and energy to raise 2 kids?

These 2 weeks I am experiencing a small taste of the single parent lifestyle.  As I shared in the last post, Chyloe has returned to Virginia for 2 weeks to be with her sister and nephew as the medical diagnosis has taken turn for the worse.  I must make 2 disclaimers.  The first disclaimer is that for these 2 weeks I am neither working nor going to school.  I have a Chinese tutor who comes to the house 5 hours a week.  School starts back on the 7th of September and Chyloe returns on the 5th.  The 2nd disclaimer is that we have an Ayi (see photo).

her name is 小张 and she is a Godsend!  She is here every weekday from 8-12.  She cleans our house, washes the dishes, does the laundry, watches the kids when we need, and cooks.  Chyloe has never had Ayi make lunch because she wanted to force herself to be able to cook/grocery shop in China.  Forget that - these 2 weeks Ayi is making lunch for us.  And she is masterful in the kitchen.  

We are also thankful for Skype so that we can video chat with Mom each night and morning.  We all miss her incredibly.  Logistically we are doing fine.  We could keep this up for as long as we needed.  Many people have said about single parents that they have no idea how single parents can do it.  One thing we have learned about life lately is that the answer to that question is, "you just do it."  That is how we deal with life's difficulties.  Especially when there are kids involved we are not afforded the opportunity to wallow in self-pity, we just do what needs to be done.  

Chyloe shared with me a quote this morning that is helping her through our difficult situation, "whatever is we focus on increases."  Positively and negatively.  If I were to focus on Tyson's situation, missing my own family, my wife being half a globe away, riding public transit with 2 kids and a stroller, the monotony of instant noodles - those things would increase and would result in a downward spiral that render me worthless.   

Or...we can focus on what makes life great, and that too will increase.  I get to spend all day every day for 2 weeks with the 2 craziest, most delightful, funniest, kids on earth, and they are also perfectly healthy and capable, we are completely Provided for, Ayi's cooking is great, there is no shortage of cheap/free things to do in Beijing, the weather has cooled off and is enjoyable, we still have 6 more free passes to the pool, and our amazing wife/mom is coming home in 1.5 weeks.  

To all you single parents out there - God bless you.  And to all of us - count your blessings, then count them again.